[It's not the first time she's heard those gently chastising words before--far from it. How many times has it been? Sam had said much the same thing, when they'd talked earlier--is it her right to put herself in danger and suffer physically without regard for herself, when doing so means forcing others to suffer emotionally from it? Don't be so self-sacrificing, Rosella. But it was better that way, wasn't it? Wasn't it always better that she do whatever she could to protect her friends, even if it meant she had to put herself in mortal peril for it? Wasn't it worth it? Wasn't it the right thing to do?

And yet she can still recall the sight of the tears in her parents' eyes as she bid them goodbye and walked away from the castle, thinking it would be the last time. She remembers the sound of the doors closing behind her, how they shut themselves in to grieve for her before she'd even met her fate. None of them thought she'd be coming back from it.

But it was her choice, wasn't it? She did it to save them, that's all she wanted, she just wanted to save them and there was no other way, was there? Someone else could've gone in her place, but she couldn't let someone else suffer for her sake, could she? It wasn't right, it wasn't right and yet she'd made her parents suffer for it and it was too much, too much, and her father had nearly died--

She's shaking, and it takes her a minute to even realize it's happening.

For a long time, she can't speak. There's thoughts racing through her mind, rushing so fast she can't even keep track of them all, and yet she can't seem to force a single one into words. So she sits, still and silent, trying to make sense of it all.

Why is it backwards? Everything is backwards, upside down and jumbled; she hurts people when she's trying to save them and the only way to save them is to keep away from them, and the only way to understand is to believe in things that seem senseless. It makes no sense, how can it make any sense at all, when the best way to help is to do nothing at all?

Her eyes are stinging again, and her knuckles are white.]

I never wanted...to hurt anyone.

[Is this about Cain, or about herself? She doesn't know. It's hard enough, just finding words to say.]

But all this time...that's what I've been doing, is that it? Trying to help and just--making it worse?

[Backwards, it's all backwards, backwards thinking, backwards logic. Or is she the backwards one, in the end?]

But you're saying--you mean to say that--that it doesn't matter--it'll never matter how brave I am or not. How willing I am or not. Because it's never enough, it can't ever be enough, no matter how much I try or what I do, it won't ever be enough. But I'm not supposed to be, is that it? I don't need to be brave, I don't need to help, I just--

[What was it he'd said? "Someone like you could only come from a place like this." His dreams had been filled with darkness, and hers--had been a ray of light?]

You mean that if I really want to help, it's not by trying to be the same as him. That I should be optimistic when he isn't, and--and happy when he can't be, is that it? That's why I'm something to be protected? Because I can do those things when he can't?

[Can she? He's worth it, isn't he? Saving the day by doing nothing at all, can she endure that?]

Perhaps that's your answer, then. If...if something I can do, some difference I can make--if that gives him the chance to be happy, even just once, then I'll do it. Then it'll be worth it.

[She meets Megumi's eyes, giving her a wobbly sort of smile.]

If he thinks he can't be happy, then I want to prove him wrong. If that's the game, then I want to beat him. Maybe that's what's at the end of it all. But if it gives him even one thing to smile about, someday, when everything else is going wrong, then it's worth it to me.