primrosella | Quest 153

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Quest 153

[Private//Hackable by Friends]

I just spent the weekend--
I just--
For the past two days I thought I--

Oh, bother, what a mess.

I don't even know where to start, trying to make sense of--no, that's not true, I do know just where to start. I start with saying it was just a curse and it was only a curse and none of it is real, it's only a curse, and perhaps we can all pretend like it never happened.

Oh, honestly...

They must know, too, don't they? Well--perhaps not Mr. Gray, I'll have to tell him, but Cain, Sam--no, they must know I was cursed already, there can't be any doubting that. It wasn't as though I'd been acting at all like myself, was it? It was a curse and that's all. None of it means anything. We were all just acting terribly silly and now that it's over we can all go back to acting normal.

~~But it's not the sort of thing that one forgets easily, is it? The things they said--the things I said--~~

Something like this would have to happen the day after Christmas, wouldn't it?

~~It wouldn't be so terrible if it hadn't been so nice.~~

But it doesn't mean anything, not a word of it. And I didn't--I'm not going to be ashamed of it. ~~Much.~~ I was cursed, there's nothing I could've done. Sam tried his best to stop me and I'll thank him for that a hundred times, but it couldn't be helped and that's all there is to it. Plenty of other people have acted silly during curses before. They've managed it, and I can too. And it's not as though anyone got hurt ~~much~~ or injured or died, and if that's not--if that's not something to be thankful for, I don't know what is.

It was only a curse.

~~Does it make me horrible, that I wish--~~

It was like...it was one of those insidious curses, where I was myself, but with a twist. Like when we all went to school, and I was myself, but somehow not me. That modern girl who was still me, but not me at all. Perhaps she'd do better at this than I can. Perhaps it'll be easier if I can tell myself that whoever I was this weekend, I was just another girl, a different girl, one that's not me. It'd be easier if it wasn't me. It's always easier when I can say it's not me.

~~Just once, can't I kiss someone because I mean it, and not because a curse is making--~~

But the one thing I can't do is avoid it. Avoiding things like this just makes it worse in the end--I learned that lesson from Sirius, and the last thing I want is to lose someone else that way. Goodness knows we've been around and around with all this for months now--if he'll still talk to me after all that trouble a few months ago, this shouldn't be anything new or different, should it?

Should it?

No, I'll just carry on as usual and I won't let it bother me. That's what's best. I'll make my apologies to everyone that might've gotten the wrong impression from this weekend and act as though it's nothing to be concerned with at all and go about my business and that will be that. They'll understand. It's only a misunderstanding, they'll understand. It's certainly not as though any of us thinks it really meant anything, is it? Of course not. So it'll be all right. It's just a great big--albeit rather embarrassing--misunderstanding, and it'll be fine. Everyone will understand, and it'll all be fine.

I shouldn't feel guilty for--for enjoying it a little, either. Who wouldn't? There's nothing wrong with it, is there? Who wouldn't like to hear the things they said, the way they--

Yes, I should. Stop it, stop it, yes, I should, that's horrible and I'm not going to think like that anymore. So there.

All right. It's fine. It's not going to bother me, and it's fine, and that's all there is to it. I'll think about other things. How happy Sam was at Christmas, what a nice party we had, all the lovely gifts...that's what I'll think about. There's plenty to be happy about.

It'll be fine. ~~I hope.~~

[/Private]

I suppose it'd be best to start off by clearing up any, er, misconceptions that anyone might've taken from this previous weekend, since it seems it was one of those weekends of random curses, and it also seems that I was entirely not myself for the duration of it. That's the insidious thing about some of these curses, isn't it, that they can strike so subtly that it's hard to tell the difference between those affected and those unaffected, and that can lead to quite a few misunderstandings afterward. And really, the only thing to do about it afterward is to apologize as best one can, and try to eliminate those misunderstandings, and go on as usual.

So I do hope it'll come as no great surprise to anyone when I explain that yes, I was quite cursed this weekend, and no, I'm not in any way engaged to be married to anyone.

I do very much apologize to any of my friends I spoke with this weekend, who might've gotten the wrong idea from the way I was behaving--I recall Sam and Duo in particular, but I'm sure there were others. I'm so very sorry, but please understand that I didn't know any better at the time, so I really couldn't help myself. Anything I might've said or done this previous weekend, please do take with a grain of salt. I certainly feel rather ridiculous about it all, and I would hate for any misunderstandings to persist, simply because they were based on something I did while I was quite emphatically not myself.

Still, embarrassing though it might have been, it was only a curse, and I've found that the best way to handle the aftermath of curses is usually to simply take them for what they are, make peace with what transpired, and carry on as usual, as best one can. So that's what I'll do, I think, and I hope all of you will, as well.

So! On a happier note, it really was a lovely Christmas, wasn't it? Our celebration at the Warehouse was just lovely, and thank you again to everyone that came. Having all of my friends together on Christmas was what I'd wanted most, and you all made my wish come true. And thank you so very much for all the lovely gifts, as well! They're just beautiful, all of them, and I'll treasure them very much.

Well! Now there are cookies to eat and it's still snowy and lovely outside, and there's no curse today, and the next thing to look forward to is the coming of the new year. And if those aren't all fine reasons to be content, I don't know what is.

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What a bother, then.

That is rather the way of curses, I'm afraid. And let me apologize again for my behavior this past weekend, Mr. Gray--I really am so very sorry for the way I was acting.