Quest 154

[primrosella]

[Private//Hackable by Friends]

Last Year's Resolutions
1. I resolve to stop comparing myself to Alexander as often as I do now, anyway.

Managed.

2. I resolve to stop worrying about what it means to be a good princess, and focus on being a good princess, instead.

Managed.

3. I resolve to put the past behind me, once and for all.

Managed. Sort of.

4. I resolve to make peace with what I did to Edgar.

Managed.

5. I resolve to find a way to stop Mordack.

Managed. I hope.

6. I resolve to never give up hope.

Managed...for the most part. But at least when I couldn't, I had friends that could.

7. I resolve to get back into practice with all the skills I have, to make sure I don't lose any of them--shooting, riding, Rollerblading, the keyboards, the flute, all of it. Somehow.

Managed.

8. I resolve to learn more about magic, even if it means going to someone else for help with it.

Managed.

9. I resolve to find a way home, even if it's not for very long. Even if it's just long enough for me to know that Daddy is all right.

Not exactly managed, but Daddy coming here achieved the same end, so it's as good as managed, anyway.

10. I resolve to kiss someone because I want to, and not because of a curse--breaking it or otherwise.

...Well. Nine out of ten isn't a bad figure at all, really.

That's a long way to come in a year, isn't it? I suppose that means I did rather well for myself at this time last year, setting myself reasonable goals and then working hard to achieve them. And I made other resolutions, too, simpler ones--like making a new friend this year, and goodness, I've achieved that many times over--but these ones were the important ones, weren't they?

Well. Save for beating Sam at Mario Kart. If that's not an important one, I don't know what is.

...It's been months now, since he died. Since Bumblebee left. Since I promised. I can hardly believe it's been so long, but it has. Has it really been months since I started keeping secrets from him? The more I think about it, the more I realize that all the guilt I've felt these past few months...it can all go back to that, can't it? His friends leaving, his getting hurt, his feelings that I didn't want to hurt but that I didn't think I could return--it all comes back to knowing that he's dead, and trapped here, and that whatever happens here is all he has now. I can't hope that he'll go home to see his parents and Mikaela and Bumblebee if it was his own death that brought him here. I have a home to go back to, and Sam doesn't, and I--

Bumblebee made me promise. But I'll always have to wonder if I could've warned him in time, and if it would've made any difference, if I had.

And now that it's happened...what use is it to say it now, other than to create a great big question of what might've been? Isn't that all the more unforgivable, that it might've made a difference and it's only now that it's too late that I've found the courage to admit it? I gave my word, and I kept to it all this time...but perhaps I shouldn't have.

I don't know if I can make amends by admitting it now. But at least it'll mean I can stop harboring secrets. I miss...I miss being able to tell my best friend everything that was ever on my mind, without having to worry about this or that or some other. Maybe that's a resolution I ought to make, and to act on--to be honest, at last, and to try to fix things that I let begin to fall apart, all those months ago.

Maybe once I do that, I can start to fix the other things. That doesn't mean it'll all come easily, or that I'll snap my fingers and it'll all work out, but...perhaps it'll be easier to deal with all of my other feelings, when I don't always have this one lurking in the back to make everything else even more complicated than it already is. That's what Penny advised, that I need to start listening to my feelings and trusting them. And that's what Megumi wanted, too, isn't it?

Mm. Perhaps I ought to resolve to take advice that my friends offer me more often. It might save me a great deal of trouble, in the year to come.

[/Private]

This Year's Resolutions
1. I resolve to stop tormenting Blue with puns. Well, at least some of the time.
2. I resolve to continue to be better than Sam at Mario Kart.
3. I resolve to listen carefully to my friends when they give me good advice, because I usually need it when they offer it, whether or not I realize it at the time.
4. I resolve to be more modern in some things, and to stay properly old-fashioned in others.
5. I resolve to trust the people who want to protect me, without immediately insisting that I don't need it.
6. I resolve to find ways to protect myself, so I can occasionally insist that I don't need it.
7. I resolve to be truthful. Especially to myself.
8. I resolve to learn how to drive the car, at least enough to get someone to the hospital if there's another emergency.
9. I resolve to stop worrying about love. Well, at least some of the time.
10. I resolve to make my father proud of me.

Well, last year I made ten resolutions and I ended up keeping all but one of them, so with any luck, this year will be the same. I think those are fine resolutions to have, though, aren't they? Even if some are considerably easier than others to keep.

Still, the point of resolutions is to give us something to think about and to strive for, so it only makes sense that some ought to be more difficult than others. There wouldn't be any point if they were all easy, would there? And if they were all impossibly difficult, one might get discouraged and never complete any at all, and then there'd be no point to that, either. So I think these are just fine, the way they are.

There's still a day and a half left, though. I might still--no. No, I think not. It'll just have to wait. And that's all right, too, isn't it?

Now then, other than setting resolutions, how does everyone plan to celebrate the coming of the new year?

Comments

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

I don't know that you'll be able to keep that first resolution, Rosella.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I did amend it to at least some of the time. That's a bit more reasonable, anyway.

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

Yes, but even 'some of the time' seems like it'll be difficult for you.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

Well, it wouldn't be a very fair list of resolutions if they were all easy. Perhaps I'll try to work up to that one after I've finished some of the others, first.

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

I suppose that is true. They are meant to be challenges.

[princess-crow.livejournal.com]

I'd probably stay home and dance.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

For the new year? Well, doing something you enjoy sounds like a fine way to celebrate, yes.

[princess-crow.livejournal.com]

I want to take my mind off another year here.

What about you?

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I don't know, really. I suppose there ought to be some sort of celebration for it, but I don't know if we're organizing one or if I'll end up finding another to go to, instead, or if I'll just stay home and enjoy myself that way.

But now that you mention dancing, perhaps I'll see if someone wants to go dancing at the Blue Light. That'd certainly be fun, and I haven't in a while.

[not-so-smooth.livejournal.com]

Wow, nine out of ten resolutions? That's awesome.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

Mmhmm, I only missed one! And it wasn't very important anyway, so I don't mind missing it very much at all.

[not-so-smooth.livejournal.com]

Hey, it's two days until the new year. You've still got time!

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

...Well, maybe I will, then, after all. In a fit of desperation.

Sam, you're happy here, aren't you? At least somewhat?

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Champagne. Next year might not be worth celebrating, but after this one I think we've earned it.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

And even if it is, we won't know until it happens, anyway. But I think you're right, we've all more than earned ourselves a celebration this year.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

And I've got the night free. Double the reason.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

It is! That's right, don't you usually find yourself working on the holidays? I'm glad you've managed to have the evening free for this one.

[had_not_lived]

You can't give up puns!

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I'd never give them up entirely! I just think I'll try to stop pestering Blue so much with them.

[had_not_lived]

Ok, good! You had me worried.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I don't think I ever could, anyway. I tried once, and I just couldn't manage it.

Are you making any resolutions yourself, Neil?

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

I'm a fan of your first one.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I rather thought you might enjoy that one, yes.

Are you making resolutions for next year, Blue?

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

The same one as usual, I think.

Next year in the Homelands.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

...How many years now has that been your resolution?