Quest 053

[primrosella]

[Attempted Private//Somewhat Hackable]

Well. I've been acting terribly silly lately, haven't I?

Yes, that's right. Terribly silly, and--selfish, and petty and ungrateful and I should be happy. That's right, that's the right thing to do. I should be happy that they're gone and not trapped here anymore. They belong at home and it's better this way and here I am, thinking of nothing but myself.

Selfish. I have a brother just my age, someone to talk to and be friends with and love, and what do I think? Horrible things--as though it were a competition with the kingdom as a prize. And I couldn't even see that until Romeo pointed it out--oh, honestly, what's wrong with me? It's as though I've been looking for reasons to dislike him. My own brother, and I...and what if it had been me? What if it were me and I came all that way just trying to get home and he thought of me the way I've thought of him?

Selfish! What a spoiled little girl I am, wanting everyon--everything all to myself. I wanted to dislike her before I even spoke with her--how awful is that? I made that promise knowing full well that something like this might come up, and now it has and--that's right, Rosella, that's why you ought to always say what you mean. Remember how Mother would say that? Don't lie, Rosella, you should always tell the truth. Be generous, Rosella, don't be selfish. Good things come to good girls, Rosella.

You've made your bed, Rosella, now lie in it.

No. No, no, no, it's not important, none of it is important, I shouldn't even be thinking of things like this. Selfish little girl, worrying about boys and balls when your family's going to be kidnapped and fed to a cat--and Daddy wasn't there, what's going to happen to him? What if your fruit didn't save him, after all?--no, no, no. I want to go home but I can't go home, not until I know how to save them, not until I can fix all this somehow...

I could trade it all for a magic wand. Would it be enough? All those thoughts...

No! I won't! I can't...stop it, stop it, what's wrong with me? I haven't acted like this since that curse--what would Daddy think, if he heard me saying things like that?

Stop it. Everything happens for a reason, and things always work out in the end, don't they? And it...it always gets better. Even if I'm not--however it is I ought to be. Even if they're better than me. That doesn't matter. I've just--I've just got to do the very best I can, and try as hard as I can, and that's all I can do, isn't it?

I promised I'd try to find something to smile about every day...I don't want to break that promise, you wouldn't like it if I did, would you? I miss you all so much...

[/Private]

...Goodness, I slept in late today. I must've been very tired; I do hope I'm not coming down with anything. Being sick a few months ago was more than enough illness for me, thank you very much.

I do wish I'd checked the Network earlier, though. I suppose I should've guessed that finding candy in my room was the cause of a curse and not anything else. Are they all as sad as the ones I received, I wonder? I'm sorry, I promise I won't eat any more than I already have. I didn't realize. And if they're meant to be secrets...I won't tell. On my honor. But that doesn't mean I won't worry, just the same.

Still...I know this is a very strange way to be introduced, but if someone by the name of the Tianzi should happen to read this, I'd like very much to speak with you, if you have a moment.


[OOC: Sad princess is sad--and hasn't come out of her room all day. And as if her own mood wasn't bad enough, she also got Rue's DESPAIR, Blue's HEARTBREAK, and Tianzi's INSECURITY, all in a row. So basically...yeah, she's not coming out.]

Comments

No worries!

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

Oh, Blue. I'm all right, just a little...tired, I suppose. Your secret...it hurt.

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Get some rest, okay?

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

Mmhmm. I need to. I'm afraid I might be coming down with something.

And I...er...I need to tell you something, as well.

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

I can bring you soup, if you want.

...what do you need to say?

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

You might not want to after I tell you, but

Have you eaten any of the candy today?

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

I had a piece. I couldn't resist, I really like candy.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I do too. I think I get it from my father.

[Attempted Private]

I ate one with your name on it, Blue. It was an accident.

Private || unhackable

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

...what did it say?

Private || unhackable

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. I ate it and it hurt...

Private || unhackable

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

...don't be sorry, Rosella. That's my pain, not yours. You shouldn't have had to deal with it.

Private || unhackable

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

How long have you been keeping that secret? Feeling like that?

Private || unhackable

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

...almost a month.

Private || unhackable

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I've only had it all day today and I still feel like--almost a month? Blue...

Private || unhackable

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me.

Private || unhackable

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

Still, there's a difference between feeling sorry and being concerned about you, or offering to be there for you if you need it.

Am I the only one who knows?

Private || unhackable

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

You're the only one...who knows how it feels....

Some people know that I'm sad. But they don't know the extent of it.

Private || unhackable

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I understand now. When you said you were good at being lonely...

I don't think the extent of it could be easily explained, either. It wouldn't be anywhere near what it's like to feel it.

Private || unhackable

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that you felt it. I really am. It's not fair...I got over a year of happiness before I felt that way, so you shouldn't have to get only the pain.

I'm so sorry, Rosella.

Private || unhackable

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I'm not sorry, though. At least...if nothing else, at least now you're not alone in feeling that way. I know it's hardly a consolation, but if you need someone to talk to...well. Maybe I can understand.

Private || unhackable

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

...thank you.

Private || unhackable

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

And if--well. If...if you really would rather not go to the ball, or if you don't want to stay...I'll understand. Don't make yourself miserable for my sake, all right?

Private || unhackable

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

No, no, Rosella. I told you I would go. We should go, really.

I can't just sit at home, I think it would be worse.

Private || unhackable

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

All right, but...well. The point still stands. It's not as though we're obligated to...I don't know, stay until midnight just so I can lose a shoe on the way out or something silly like that.

Private || unhackable

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Of course I won't. We'll stay as long as we want to.

Private || unhackable

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

All right. And we'll--try to have fun, too, won't we? Or at least...we'll do our very best to attempt it.