primrosella | Quest 172

[Accidental Voice Post]

[The recording switches on to the sound of a Network device skittering across dirt and stone, as though it has just been shoved or kicked away and it has turned on of its own volition.

For a long time, the recording is silent, save for the faint sound of shuddering, irregular breaths and the occasional high, strangled whimper. After a minute or two, the owner of the voice breaks down into a few wretched sobs, and then after a short while they are suddenly muffled again. It's clear that someone is sitting nearby, crying her eyes out and trying to stifle it. It's equally clear she has no idea that the recording is on.

After about another minute, she manages to compose herself somewhat, and the scraping sound resumes; this time, she is sliding it back toward herself, and as she picks it up, she makes a small squeak of surprise when she realizes it is already on. With a resigned sigh, she swallows hard and begins to speak, her voice thin and trembling.]

I'm--I'm so sorry. About yesterday. I know it--it doesn't make things any better, just saying that, but--

[She sniffles, fabric rustling near the microphone as she wipes her eyes.]

I was--cursed and--and Sam was too, and we took the wrong devices, he took mine and I had his and we were both cursed and all those things I said, those horrible things--it wasn't me, it was Sam, but it wasn't Sam either because he wasn't himself and I wasn't myself and we just--I'm so sorry, please, please, I didn't--

[Her voice cracks.]

The--the things I said. I didn't. Those horrible things, I didn't mean them, not any of them. I didn't know what I was saying. I...I don't really think any of that, and I'm so sorry, everyone I talked to while I was pretending to be Sam--there was a girl, one of Sam's friends--I didn't know her name, I still don't, but please, miss, if you're listening, please don't be angry with Sam, it wasn't him--it wasn't, it was me, and I just didn't know--I didn't know your name, that's all...

[Her voice rises in pitch as she starts talking faster and faster, clearly about to lose it again but forcing herself to keep talking.]

Sam's not--I didn't mean it, please, it's all just a mistake and I was cursed and we--I didn't mean it, I didn't, I didn't, I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I was doing! I never--Sam, I'd never, I'd--I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I never meant--I shouldn't have--

[She breaks off suddenly, choking down a sob, and takes a few shaking breaths to steady herself before she tries to continue.]

I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, it's all my fault, I did it, I should've known better--I should've stopped myself and I didn't and now I can't--I can't stop seeing it, over and over, every time I close my eyes...

[As she breaks down once again, she fumbles with the device. Her fingers are trembling too hard to work the switch smoothly, but she eventually manages to get the feed turned off.]

[OOC: So, um, yeah. It wouldn't be the Ides of March without somebody literally getting stabbed in the back, right? Which...is basically exactly what Rosella and Sam did yesterday, just to bring their little war to a dramatic close. Both made good use of the death exemption and are totally alive and fine now, but...yeah, Rosella's still an emotional wreck over killing her best friend, and now she's hiding out in her cave in the woods being miserable and crying forever.

Feel free to action her up if your character would think to look for her out there (since it's an old standby hiding place of hers), but she's not particularly interested in leaving it at the moment. And of course, Network for everyone else.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You killed him?

[Yeah, she's quite obviously crying now.]

I didn't mean it! I didn't want to!

What did you do?

We were going to settle it. Once and for all. And then he was there and I was there and we both--at the same time, we both--

So you killed him and he...killed you.

It got everywhere and we both--fell and I woke up and he was still there and I just couldn't--I just didn't know what to do...

Little wonder that you wouldn't.

I still don't. What do I do? What can I do? And all I want to do is stay here and hide and never come out again.

You can't very well stay in hiding, you know.

Not forever, at least. They'll find me eventually.

Have you spoken to him yet?

He called. I know he's scared and worried and wants to put it all right, but...but he's not the one I can't forgive.

You can't forgive yourself, can you?

It doesn't--work. Even if I tell myself, I can't make myself believe it.

You were cursed, you know.

That almost makes it worse, in a way. Now besides just remembering it, I have to acknowledge that I was powerless to stop it, too.

That's rather the nature of curses, isn't it?

Being helpless? I hate being helpless...

He died because of me. I died because--we did that to each other, and I'm supposed to turn away from it and just look forward and say it's only a curse? Maybe I can't, this time. Maybe when I get it out of my head, somehow, but I can't.

Fine, then. Shall I leave you to it? Shall I leave you to declare yourself helpless against this? If you hate being helpless, you might trying doing something to fight back.

Don't you dare imply that I'm a failure because I haven't--

[An abrupt pause, as a thought occurs to her.]

...It's a roundabout way of trying to make me feel better, you know, provoking me to get angry at you instead of at myself.

I do what I can, you know.

And here I was going to accuse you of not understanding a thing about how I'm feeling.

I was cursed yesterday too.

You didn't do anything like what I did, though. Hurt feelings are a bit different than being stabbed in the back.

I suppose I didn't. Any stabbing I did was rather more of a figure of speech.

[Voice]

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