primrosella | Quest 116

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Quest 116

[Private//Hackable by Friends]

Well...it's been ten days now.

...I still don't know what to do.

I keep trying to think things through, to find a good answer and figure out how to put it to use, but whenever I try, it always seems like I arrive at the conclusion that saying what I did was an absolutely ridiculous idea and I really shouldn't have and honestly, I should've known better and why didn't I know better and--I don't know. I really don't, and sitting around letting my thoughts go around and around in circles isn't going to solve anything either.

Three boys, three roses. Pink, red, and orange. How funny that they all go in a line that way--will the next one be yellow, I wonder? Will there be a yellow at all? Neil was green, but that was different, and that skipped a color in the middle, anyway. And Neil has his own worries to deal with, he certainly doesn't need any of mine.

Pink. I was sitting in a tree on a warm August afternoon, and he made it appear for me, and I took it and held it and thought...well. I didn't know any better then, I don't think. I still expected things to work out the way they do at home, and he was so charming, and I just--I didn't know. But I learned, didn't I? Things went wrong and I realized afterward that I hadn't known the whole story after all, and there was another girl, and I'd been foolish all along and I shouldn't have--mm. I shouldn't have trusted that it would all work out on its own, I think. That was when I learned not to hold a curse against someone.

The pink rose is a memory that things aren't always what they seem.

Red. I don't remember how I came about this one, but I know what happened before and after, and I remember why I don't remember it. Red was Valentine's Day, and I remember I was so happy, and there was a ball to go to--Blair's red rose ball. I had a modern dress to wear and glass slippers and I went with Blue, who was heartbroken ~~too~~, and Mikaela was here and she went with Sam and they had a lovely time together. And that was strange, getting used to Mikaela, since I'd heard so much about her but then I really got to meet her in person, and she came to live with us and I wasn't sure what to think about her, really. But she turned out to be just lovely, and she meant so much to Sam, and things ~~got better~~ went on. And I don't remember where this rose came from because it was one of the most precious memories I had, and I gave it away for something equally valuable.

The red rose is a memory that everything changes.

Orange. This is the rose that doesn't belong to me, exactly, but to a girl that I might've been. And how happy she was when she got it, too--everything in the world was going right for her, just then. She'd done well in school and she had a beautiful dress and a party to attend and a charming escort, and it was almost like a fairy tale in itself, despite the setting. Wasn't it? And then she realized that she hadn't known the whole story after all, and there was another girl, and she'd been foolish all along and she shouldn't have...mm, it's strange, how some things never change, isn't it? But she was a good girl, wasn't she? She knew the right thing to do and she did it, no matter what it meant for her or anyone else. She was a good girl.

The orange rose is a memory that some things are more important than oneself.

What do I do? What can I do? I can't take it back now. I can't fix it, I have to keep going on forward. But Sam's doing everything he can to put my feelings before his own, and he's determined to convince me to see this out, and I don't want him to get hurt but I don't see how he can't, what with this mess and that and--

One thing I've been wondering, all this time, is if all this trouble is all really worth it in the end. Which is an awful thing to wonder, I know, but...would it have been better if I hadn't said anything at all? I thought the right thing to do was be straightforward and confront things as soon as possible and be honest about them, and then it'd all work out from there, but...

...But then again, hiding things doesn't mean they go away, does it?

[/Private]

I, er, know this is rather late, since it's been quite a few days now, but I'm terribly sorry to anyone I might've worried by the, er, way I was acting the other day, during the machine curse. I'm fine, don't worry, I just...don't like machines very much, that's all. But I'm just fine now, and I managed all right that day, and with any luck, that curse won't come up again.

And now it seems we have a mountain, as well? I've heard talk that there are monsters on it, just like there are in the forest. I rather wonder if there are any Abominable Snowmen living up there. We have them in Daventry, up in the mountains, and they do tend to make things rather dangerous for anyone that might try to cross them. And then of course, there's always the problem of what lives under the mountains as well--trolls, for example, seem to favor caves beneath mountains very much. Well, and bridges, too, but it's considerably harder to get a goat to follow you down into a cave in a mountain, so it's much more difficult to deal with trolls in mountains than it is trolls around bridges.

Still, I rather want to go explore it, sometime. It seems to be staying put rather nicely, and there haven't been any great upheavals or plagues or swarms of monsters invading the City from it--yet--so maybe it's just a change of scenery, after all. Do you suppose we ought to name it? On the other hand, we don't really have a name for the City, I suppose, other than "The City", so perhaps it'd be fitting to just call it "The Mountain", and keep with that pattern of naming things. It's not as though it's exactly difficult to figure out which mountain we're referring to by it, after all.

I could do it if I were a bird. It'd make things a hundred times easier, being able to fly across the mountain rather than climbing it on foot. Like having the flying monkeys carry me up to Lolotte's castle. I wonder...

Neil, I'm afraid I'm still working on thinking my way through that mystery we were discussing. I keep jotting down notes and things every time I think I come up with something clever, but other than that I haven't gotten much of anywhere with it. Cain said he'd help to come up with a good story, and I'm sure once we have the basics we can just alter things to make it fit for our purposes, but other than that I'm a little...stuck.

I can hardly believe it's almost September already. Where did the time go?

[OOC: Still faking it like it's hot, and getting better at it, too. Also, my HMD thread is over here, for anybody that might've wanted it and missed it. ♥]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

~~Oh, drat. Keep smiling, keep smiling.~~

Mm, and this is the longest I've ever been away from home and my family, actually. But it's rather all right in its own way, isn't it? It still feels like home here, somehow...even if it's a different sort of home.

I suppose. It's not like protesting and fighting will get us anywhere, will it?

Private; Unhackable

But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about, luv. I'd like to speak to you in person, if you're available.

I'm sorry to spring this on you... but it's urgent and you're the only one I can speak of this to.

No, it won't. We just have to make the best of things, of course.

Private; Unhackable

Urgent? My goodness, of course, is everything all right? I'll meet you anywhere you like, right away.

Oh, it's nothing like that. Ah, where to meet... I could come over to your place, or you could come over to my house. We'd have some privacy over at mine, as well.

Edited 2009-08-31 01:27 (UTC)

Oh. Well, I'm glad to hear that. ~~Goodness, I was worried...~~

Um. I'm afraid I'm not...exactly sure where you live? But I could follow directions, of course, if that's what'd be best for you.

Building 1, Apartment 2. Just be sure to introduce yourself, and push the door open. You'll be brought to my home. I'll be there to meet you, luv.

[ It's an enchantment, that apartment is hers but she uses it as a gateway to reach her house hidden away near the gardens/forest. Actionspam y/n? :3 ]

...Introduce myself to a door? Well, it's not as though I haven't done stranger things in my life. All right, I'll be there soon.

[Actionspam YYY!]

Heh, let's just say it allows us to know if whoever is coming in is friend or foe. See you then, Rosella.

[ And after sending her the message, Megumi disconnects once she's sure Rosella's on her way, thinking on how to sort this out. She's not sure how things are going to go, but she knows this is probably a step in the right direction.

She hopes so, anyway.

And she moves to the kitchen to put on some tea, hoping that Rosella likes tea at all-- they might need it by the end of this discussion anyway. ]

[Once upon a time, Rosella's father came across a magical door floating in midair, and when he stepped through it, he found himself transported to an enchanted land far, far away. She'd heard that story several times, but to run across an enchanted door of her own? Well, that's certainly something she'd never expected to occur, herself.

So it's with more than a touch of surprise that after stepping through the door, she suddenly finds herself in Megumi's home, blinking and glancing around at her new surroundings. She knows magic when she sees it, even if she doesn't know what spells it took to make it work. Megumi had said she was a witch--so perhaps she shouldn't be surprised, after all.]

Er. Megumi...?

[OOC: I'm assuming she can tell there's magic at work; I dunno what your usual setup is for the gateway. If it's a problem, lemme know and I'll fix it!]

[ As a witch herself, magical activity is never out of her range of detection-- and charms like these are usually undetectable. She'd wager someone who has lived in a place like this would at least remotely be aware of some magic being in action-- so Rosella's ability to tell that magic has taken place is really unsurprising. Megumi would hope so, anyway-- she knows humans tend to overreact to such things so she is relieved when she steps out and sees that Rosella doesn't look terrified, at least.

The house that she'd now see herself in would be-- quite obviously, big. There's magic at work here as well to make it so, but beyond that, it's reminiscent of a charming country estate of sorts. The entrance hall is spacious, leading to a central area where a staircase leads to the second level. Megumi herself comes out from the kitchen, her hair tied back in a tail and wearing an apron over her skirt, chuckling when she sees Rosella. ]

Ah, I'm so sorry luv. I thought I'd be done before you got here-- Welcome, please-- make yourself at home.

[ She smiles sheepishly, gesturing to her to follow her to the cozy living room to their right ]

I do hope you like Lady Grey.

[ooc; and it's perfectly fine, bb! ]

Edited 2009-08-31 02:50 (UTC)

[Between a castle at home and a Warehouse here in the City, Rosella is used to big houses. And Megumi's is both pleasant and cheerful, which certainly helps to set any fears she might've had at ease.

Or at least, more at ease. There had been mentions of urgent business, after all, and Rosella has a sneaking suspicion she knows exactly what sort of urgent business this visit is all about. She likes Megumi and considers her a friendly acquaintance, but they're far from confidantes. And seeing as how one subject of urgent business between them had already left the City, there's really only one reason this meeting could be taking place.

But she won't say anything about that. Not yet. She'll play it carefully and see what happens. Saying things recklessly is what got her into this mess, after all.]

Your house is lovely, Megumi--and the door is a clever idea, as well! Now I see why you had me introduce myself first.

[She hesitates a moment, considering, and then follows Megumi into the room.]

But, er, Lady Grey? I don't believe I've had the pleasure of meeting her yet...

[OOC: Also, for the record, Megumi would be able to hack the private part of Rosella's entry if she tried. She does fall into the "by friends" category.]

[ She directs Rosella to the living room-- a quaint place with comfortable seats and a bit of a floral motif going, thankfully not overwhelmingly so. The curtains are opened, revealing a view of a forested garden that makes it rather clear that they're definitely not where they started. ]

Thank you, luv. The girls and I all pitched in with decorating it. As for the door... heh, it works well in keeping unwanted visitors out. You're welcome any time though-- please, do sit down.

[ The response about Lady Grey however, results in a light laugh, though it's more affectionate than anything and she moves a hand in front of her, chuckling as she motions to the couch, seating herself next to her. ]

Well then! I'll just have to introduce you both immediately!

[ And no sooner has she said that, that the tea-trolley rolls its way in, as though guided by an invisible attendant, and pauses a short distance away from the table before them-- after which a set of napkins move by themselves and float down onto the table, followed by a pretty teapot on a tray that has cups set on it. Almost as though they have a life of their own, the cups turn the right way up and turn their handles toward the two ladies, while the teapot looks like it's standing alert. ]

You'll probably like her a lot more with a little cream and sugar. How much would you like, luv?

[ Which, she hopes, makes it obvious she's referring to the tea. This is really her favourite part of having guests over. Introducing them to her animated utensils. ]

[She takes a seat and takes a moment or two to smooth out her skirt, admiring her surroundings as she does so. But when the tea-trolley comes rolling in, all other thoughts go right out of her head; she's focused entirely on watching the dishes and cups go about their business, taking it all in.

It's not strange to see magic at work, but she's never seen magic like this before, and it's fascinating.]

Oh, er--oh, the tea?

[It takes her a minute to turn her attention away from the magical utensils long enough to process and answer the question. Just how powerful a witch must Megumi be, if she can enchant doorways that stretch across distances and command objects without a single wave of a wand? Certainly much moreso than she'd originally anticipated...]

Er, I'm...not picky, really. Any way would be fine.

[ Rosella would be surprised to learn-- if she'd ask, that this magic really was nothing-- all it indicated, at least in her world, was that she was familiar with magic at all.

Of course, after training here for the last two years with one of the most powerful wizards in the universe, if she couldn't even handle something this small, she'd be ashamed of herself

Still, the fact that it impresses her is enough of an ego boost, and she leans forward to pick up the saucer on which the teacup is settled, letting the sugar and cream holders decide for themselves. Lifting the spoon to the side to properly stir the contents, she leans back and offers the tea to Rosella, smiling at her, while motioning over to the other teacup-- to which the teapot immediately pours the contents and readies it as she likes it. ]

There you go. It's a special blend with a hint of rose-- I do hope you'll like it, luv.

[ Smiling warmly at her, she turns then to take her own cup and the trolley circles around the back and to Rosella's side, revealing a tray full of tea-treats. Sandwiches, pastries, biscuits, plates to the side.

Hospitality is important, after all and it's Rosella's first time in her home. ]

You look a little surprised. I apologise-- I'm so used to the utensils working by themselves that I forget others may not be used to it.

[ Chuckling then, she settles back, setting the teacup on her lap.

I'm glad you came over though. We haven't had any time to talk after that one time we had tea long ago, have we?

[It's the fact that there's a hint of rose in the blend that really makes her smile; she's always been one for puns, of course, and this is certainly close enough to qualify. But she can't help but fiddle with the cup a little, turning it back and forth on the saucer.]

Oh, no, it's fine, really! Goodness, I wish I knew how you managed it, it'd make keeping things neat around the Warehouse so much easier. Not that things aren't easy enough already, what with Sam's magic microwave and all the food in packages and boxes and all that...

[But now she's starting to babble a little, so she takes the opportunity to sip her tea and collect her thoughts. It's good; she's not an avid tea drinker, really, but it does taste good. And of course, her sweet tooth couldn't possibly let her pass up some of the treats on the tea trolley, either.]

But in any case. Er. No, we really haven't, and that's a great shame. It's always nice to chat with you, Megumi. How have things been, since we last spoke?

[There. Would that draw her out? She did say it was an urgent matter, after all.]

[ She's observant enough to notice that smile, and she'd be glad to know that she'd caught the suggestion. While Megumi liked rose tea herself, this occasion was just asking for something like this.

As it stands, the subject would take a possibly more awkward turn, and she smiles quickly when Rosella speaks, her eyebrows lifting at the mention of a 'magic microwave'. It's then that she recalls that Rosella isn't from modern times, so some things may not be clear to her, and so she'll have to watch what she mentions. Still, she nods to her at her words, relaxing a bit. ]

I could probably teach you if you'd like. You have some magical ability, don't you? It's really very simple, and very useful around the house.

[ She takes the opportunity that Rosella offers in drinking her tea and then talking again to brace herself in preparation for what she might say next. Sure enough-- ah, clever girl, she's giving her an opening. She sighs softly, setting her cup down on the saucer and she smiles at her. ]

A bit more relaxed, actually. When we last met, the circumstances surrounding that visit weren't exactly the most... pleasant, eh?

[ Lifting her gaze, she meets Rosella's eyes for a bit, before glancing at the table in front of them ]

The matter I called you for isn't as grim as that, thankfully. I've just been worried and I wanted to see how you were doing.

[ She knows it might be strange for her to say that, but there are enough reasons. That recent curse where Rosella's panic was all over the network, and then... that confession.

She looks back at her. ]

It seems like things have been rather topsy turvy in your life lately, haven't they?

[ The words could have just been polite ones, had her voice not grown softer and the inflection not suggested she was speaking about something in specific. But hopefully that gets the conversation going at all. ]

[It's a kind offer, yes, and a polite one as well. But Rosella already knows that nothing will come of it; it took her an entire year to get to where she is now, and as it is, she can barely manage to cast a spell with a magic wand and plenty of preparation without it backfiring on her. Magic like this is the sort that wizards and sorcerors can manage--much too powerful for her, and she knows it. And perhaps she shouldn't confess that aloud, but she can't exactly ignore such a polite offer, and it's not as though Megumi doesn't know she has magic at all. This is one area she couldn't bluff her way through if she tried, so there's no point in lying.]

Mm. I can do magic, yes, but only with a magic wand and spellbook handy. This sort...I doubt I could learn, I'm afraid. I'm hardly a magician, much less anything else.

[And once again, she's glad for her teacup to fiddle with, because it gives her a chance to stall for time as she considers Megumi's words and her own options. How much does she know already? Because after all, it's not a question of whether or not she knows, it's a question of how much she knows. The tone in Megumi's voice is gentle, but unmistakable.]

Oh, well...

[Sip the tea, buy a moment. Everyone always says she's a terrible liar--no, no, don't think about lying, don't think about lying. She may be awful at lying, but she knows how to put on a cheerful face, and maybe that's enough.]

That's just how August goes, I suppose! One thing after another. But then, that could be said for any month here in the City, really. Perhaps it's just that I seem to have bad luck with Augusts.

[First Sirius, and now all this...oh, she had plenty of reason to dislike August now. Would Cain call that an observation or an omen? No, no, stop it, don't think about that, either.]

Particularly after that--machine curse. Goodness, could you ever have imagined such a thing? A whole City, filled with nightmares. But at least it only lasted a day. Awful as things might get, they're bearable enough when one knows it'll all end at the stroke of midnight.

[Cinderella's ball ended at midnight, too, and then it was right back to ashes and reality for her. And the most horrible curses are the ones that don't break as the clock strikes twelve. She puts on the prettiest face she can manage, and smiles reassuringly, even if she doesn't feel it inside.]

But I'm managing, of course. That's all I--we--can do, really. Just keep going on and managing, no matter what happens.

[ That's interesting to her, that the magic she knows uses mediums like wands and spellbooks. She's got quite a lot of her own, but the ki energy she uses makes using wands and things rather redundant. She'll have to ask about that at some point, since she knows her own boyfriend uses fire magic that he channels into his weapons to use as well.

But what interests her even more is that Rosella had been scared at all of the machines-- it's somewhat confusing at the same time. After all, here she was around so much technology and yet all it took were wheels and gears...

Gears...

She stops. Perhaps there's something in that itself. Still, she watches Rosella as she speaks, taking in her reactions and expressions, even as she sips her own tea.

She's such a lovely girl, it's almost sad to see her doing what Megumi finds herself painfully familiar with. And she lowers her cup, offering her a gentle smile when she's done, and nodding to her words. ]

Just when you think this place couldn't get any worse, eh?

[ A soft sigh as she looks away for a moment, then speaks again. ]

But I suppose... even with the things we consider bad, there are certain other things we learn from them.

[ Turning to look back at Rosella, she pauses for a moment, then sighs, looking at her with a hint of an apologetic look. ]

It was brave of you to tell Cain what you did, Rosella. I can't imagine it's been easy on you either.

[ Shatter the illusion, get to the point. Megumi has been a healer, a doctor-- tact only goes so far, and she knows when she needs to be direct. Her expression grows a bit more neutral as she lets Rosella realize that she's not unaware of the problem, and in turn, of her own possible unease on the subject. ]

[It's only the fact that she's been expecting something along those lines that saves her from dropping the teacup and making a whole great mess of things. As it is, her fingers tighten almost imperceptibly on the handle, and her smile wavers, just for a moment. It's everything she can do to keep her voice light and cheerful, but she manages it.]

I think I've learned all my best lessons from misfortunes, actually. There's hardly a better way to make a point.

[And what lessons they were--lessons of hard choices, of self-sacrifice, of loss and grief and above all else, the importance of doing the right thing. For a moment, her mind flickers to the school curse, a few months ago; Megumi had been there for that one, even if they'd barely seen each other at all, and she'd been--oh, rats, this was going to be a lot harder than she'd originally anticipated.]

Oh, well, it wasn't--anything, really. That was just a silly curse and of course, we can't hold the things that happen during a curse against each other! It's nothing. Goodness, I'd almost forgotten about it by now, even. That's what we agreed, anyway. It's only a curse, so why not just...pretend it never happened? It'd be for the best, of course.

[And yet, her stomach is sinking even as she says the words aloud. She's an awful liar and she knows it, everyone says so, and there's no chance that someone as clever as Megumi wouldn't see through it. But she's not ready to give up her pretense, not quite yet, so she lowers her eyes as she takes another sip of tea, slowly and carefully, and sneaks a peek at Megumi as she does so.

She'd promised herself she wouldn't cry, not over this. But she hadn't realized how much more difficult it was to say the words aloud, rather than just writing them on the Network. Her eyes feel hot, but she won't cry. Crying is for facing down death and losing loved ones, not something like this.

She ought to keep her mouth shut, but she can't help but ask one last question, just for confirmation of what she's suspected all along.]

...He told you, then?

[ It's almost bitter-sweet, she notices, the honest responses Rosella has to things as opposed to fabricating something so convincingly that one can't tell fact from fiction.

But it's working against her, really, and Megumi would usually understand awkwardness and try to be a little more gentle with things. But this is so important to her that it's suffocating her to not get to the point, and as Rosella rambles, her expression shifts into an incredulous one. At first she wonders what she's talking about, until it strikes her. The school curse-- that's right!

She honestly doesn't expect her to believe that she believes she's talking about that! The way Megumi slowly moves her cups to her side, letting them levitate away from her and settle on the table ought to tell Rosella that her rambling has not thwarted her from her original intent, and moves her hands over her lap. There's no disappointment in her actions, only a sense of understanding as she watches her. ]

You told me enough on your own, Rosella.

[ Her voice soft, she extends a hand to touch the back of Rosella's holding her cup, her expression becoming somewhat quiet. ]

Your recent-most confession on the network wasn't filtered. I saw everything, and there's no reason to hide it luv.

[ A small, assuring smile appears on her lips. ]

I'm afraid you're not a very good liar, so while your attempt at shifting the subject was decent... It still brings me to the very same point I began this conversation with.

[ The smile fades, her eyes locking with Rosella's now. ]

I'm glad you told him... I'm glad that in this City, there are still people willing to push forward and reach out to those they connect with.

[ She gently squeezes her wrist. ]

I'm glad it was you, who told him, Rosella.

[She isn't entirely sure which realization strikes her harder--that Megumi had read what she's said on the Network, or that she'd completely forgotten to filter any of it, and therefore anyone could've seen it. That was the trap of these modern devices, just one more thing about the City that defied her expectations, and she hadn't even--

No, she's caught, and she knows it. It's enough to bring a wry smile to her lips.]

I can think of plenty of reasons to hide it, actually. And believe me, I have.

[It's not that she's afraid of Megumi, not by any means. It's the situation she's apprehensive about, and if anything, she's afraid Megumi will think less of her for the mess she's gotten herself into.

It feels like she's been staring at her teacup for the whole duration of their conversation, but it's easier, somehow, to say the things on her mind when she doesn't have to look at Megumi as she's doing it. When she speaks, her voice is hesitant and soft.]

Forgive me for saying so, but...I'm surprised you're glad anyone did, and least of all me.

[ Her smile returns, a peaceful sort of expression as she withdraws her hand to move it back over the other on her lap. She's been here far too long, she realises, if she's behaving this way. Years ago, she'd cry, get depressed-- something or the other, but it would show. And now, she wonders if she has the emotions left.

Or if she trusts herself to show them at all.

The City is fleeting, beautiful and cruel, and so are the people who come and go in it. People find others to love and lose them when they leave, but grow stronger with memories to pull them through, even when those memories are gone again when those people return.

Nothing is permanent except one's own heart.

And she knows that their hearts, Rosella's, her own heart and Cain's-- for being here so long, are now able to take much more than they could have when they first started here. Perhaps that's why it's easy for her to say this without drawing the wrong conclusions.

Perhaps that's why she can smile at this girl genuinely for bringing joy to the person she's found herself loving in this world, instead of hating her for something that blossomed naturally.

Maybe they're just as fickle as the world they currently live in, or maybe they've learnt the importance of cherishing what they can have now. Whatever the case, she bears Rosella no ill-will. And she expresses as much in her next words. ]

Is it really so surprising when it was more than clear things were heading that way?

[ She chuckles softly, moving a hand up to tuck her dark hair falling over her shoulder behind her ear, as she looks to her side.

This isn't about her. She won't bring herself into this when it's so much more important that Rosella knows what she does. ]

I was just surprised you didn't do it sooner.

[ Shaking her head with a sigh, she looks back up at her. ]

But I wonder, Rosella... if you realise the impact your words have had on him. And if you're sure you understand him enough to be sure that this is what you believe is the best for you both.

Yes, it is.

[That much, at least, she is firm about. She's been in this position before, two girls caught with a single boy between them, and she did the right thing then and she ought to have done it again now. Of all the hundreds of reasons she's come up with for why she ought to have lied, that's one of the few that stands out most strongly--that she is the intruder in the equation, and she has no right to be, and she should've just left well enough alone. She hates that feeling, the guilt and the shame of it.

And yet, there's still the tiny tug of nagging doubt, and the memory of all those admonishments for being too self-sacrificing. And she doesn't know what to do, after all.

But she does look up at Megumi, as bravely as she can, and her voice remains steady as she speaks.]

It's surprising because I have no right. Because I shouldn't have. Because it makes me selfish, and horrible, and that's not the sort of person I want to be. That's not how this--any of this--is supposed to work at all.

[She's speaking faster now, just a little, as though she's trying to finish what she has to say before her courage runs out.]

And because I don't know--I don't know anything, not really, and not for lack of trying. Because I have to fight for every clue I have and I'm never sure I even have them when I do, and maybe that's how he wants it, but I don't know what else I can do. And maybe it's true that he's seen things, awful things, more terrible things than I could ever imagine, and maybe it's true that the worst things I've seen and done and encountered aren't even enough to make him bat an eye. I know that, and I can't help that. But just because I can't imagine it--I'm not a doll to keep on a shelf behind glass. How can I know anything if everyone's determined to protect me from ever knowing it?

[And as she falls quiet, she can't help but wonder if she even answered Megumi's question at all. Perhaps she didn't, despite all that rambling. But perhaps she said what she needed to say, anyway.]

[ The sad part is, she's thinking in a similar direction-- except for herself. Not that she isn't confident that she's doing the right thing by encouraging Rosella to talk, goodness knows she'd need an outlet as well and while she doesn't doubt that the girl has her own support system, this may be the second best thing to really being close to the subject until she's confident enough to meet with the source of it as well.

Her gaze softens a bit, thoughtfully. ]

Sometimes we have to be selfish and horrible to find some happiness, Rosella--

[ It's strange, she notes, how she rambles and how she seems to be continuously thinking of him, and the more she talks, the more it becomes apparent that she really has no idea about the kind of psychological trauma that Cain has experienced to become who he is now. Megumi herself, doesn't know the intimate details of it, but what she's experienced as Alexis' minion has told her enough.

Perhaps it helped having grown up around a grandmother who was willing to kill her the moment she stopped being useful to her.

And that's not the fate she would subject to this girl, kind and strong as she is, much better suited for other adventure that she can actually come out stronger for. A part of her is irritated at how she seems to want to experience it, and a part of her can understand why she wants to, because she is right. How can she know anything if everyone's determined to protect her from ever knowing it?

She lifts a hand to touch Rosella's cheek, gently lifting her face to look at hers. It's a motherly gesture, but also one that's requesting her to calm down. Her own eyes search hers and it's painful for Megumi to realize that Rosella is brutally honest because she can practically see her words in her gaze as well.

She doesn't respond immediately. When she does, her voice is soft. ]

Because knowing it all has no impact on how much more he cares for you, Rosella.

[ Concise, yet thought-provoking, she hopes. She wants the girl to think for a bit, try at least to see where she's coming from. She tilts her head to a side, regarding her as she attempts to soothe her with her touch, while also trying to keep her focus. ]

Why is it so important for you to know what cannot, should not weigh on your life until he's ready for it? Rosella... I told you once before. We need to be his friends and to show him he's as deserving of love as any of us, right?

[ Her expression becomes a little more solemn. ]

A part of that requires patience with him, and understanding that he's been through what he has and warns you against it for a reason, not judging him, for what he's not sharing. Do you think it's easy for him? To continue to push those he loves away simply because he believes he's cursed?

[ Slowly drawing her hand down, to rest on her shoulder, she looks down to a side. ]

He hints, he suggests, he plays... in that alone, he's asking for your attention, even if he won't say anything. To him it's not just you who is the doll on the shelf behind glass-- everyone is. And very few of those dolls can actually break that glass to reach him because he sees himself as being the reason those shards bury themselves into people, tainting them with blood.

[ Her expression hardens as she continues to look away. ]

You believe he's worth that pain, don't you...?

["Curiosity killed the cat"--how many times in her life has she heard that old adage? She's always been a curious girl, far too curious for her own good, and there are few things more frustrating than knowing that someone has a secret and there's no way of finding out what it is. But why does she want to know so badly? It's not just for the sake of curiosity. Some things are better off left alone. She knows that all too well--she's held Pandora's Box in her hands before, how could she not know all too well that some boxes shouldn't be opened, some secrets shouldn't be released?

Then why is it she wants to know?

She keeps her eyes on Megumi's face; she'll be brave, she won't give in to the urge to stare at her teacup once again. If she can't face this, how can she ever expect to face any of the rest of it?

Perhaps she's known the answer all along, and just never put it into words until now.]

I'm no great magician, and hardly even a good one at that. But even I know that in order to break a curse, you have to know what went into it first.

[But talking to Megumi is yielding insights that she never would've reached on her own, and she's starting to realize just how much she doesn't know--and how many things she wouldn't have known, if she'd never been able to have this conversation. He lied to her to protect her; that much was easy enough to figure out on her own. But she'd assumed that reaching him meant getting him to stop lying, to trust her enough that she could listen to those horrors and help to ease them through the retelling. She'd assumed that protecting her meant that he didn't trust her.

And now it's as though she's been handed the puzzle piece she's been searching for all this time, the one key piece that makes all the others she's collected fall into place. It's far from enough to solve the puzzle entirely, but the picture is clearer now, and she can start to see where the missing ones must fit, even if she doesn't know for certain what they are.

She's been waiting for clues that would never come, and missing the ones she didn't know to look for.]

I thought--that being his friend meant showing him that I wasn't afraid. That no matter what it was...that I needed to know the things he hides, so that I could say that they didn't matter to me. To say that without knowing would be shallow, and foolish, and it wouldn't mean anything at all. I thought...that when he hid from me, it was because he didn't trust me enough to know that I could handle it.

[And she'd been wrong. So wrong. And she hates to be wrong.]

There was a curse once...a curse where I went into his dreams, and the things I saw--he told me to stay away. He always tells me to stay away, I'll get hurt, that awful things will happen to me if I keep trying to hard to break the glass. That was so early on. So I've always known the danger, even if...I didn't always believe it, or understand how real and how dark it was.

[She pauses, considering her words.]

The things I've done and seen...maybe they aren't as awful. Maybe they can't even come close to comparing. But I know about hard choices, and I know that some things never change.

[And then, after a slow breath:]

I once went to a dragon, willingly, to die for the sake of my parents and my kingdom. And I once killed a witch because it meant the difference between life and death for people that I cared about. If being his friend means I have to suffer for it along the way, then I'll endure it. I'll find a way to endure it, whatever comes of it. And if caring about him means I'm putting myself in danger because of it...then it's not any different than anything else I've done or would do for the people I care for.

Quest 116

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she aint beatin' around the bush here baby. you're getting it hard and fast.

she likes it hard and fas--wait, that sounds really dirty. Never mind.

But we like it dirty, unf unf. [ Private; Unhackable ]

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[A is for Action]

[ Action makes for good activity~ ]

[ Action makes for good activity~ ]

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[ Action! ] uch sorry for the delay, I was exhausted ;_;

[ Action! ] it's all good!

[ ACTION ] SCREAM my life alkhfalsh /will reply more in the eve ;;

[ ACTION ] I'll be here, no worries!

[ ACTION ] I'm also F5ing Cain and Rosella's log like a creeper god you two <3

[ ACTION ] YOU AND ME BOTH god we're all such dorks.

[ Action ] the fluff sob ;_; <3

[ Action ] definitely a refreshing change from all the angst.

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[ Action ] /tl;dr I AM SO SORRY

[ Action ] /loves your tl;dr!

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