Quest 240

[primrosella]

[Voice Post]

[The audio snaps on with a click, but there is a somewhat awkward pause before any speaking occurs; then, after some hesitant shuffling, Rosella clears her throat and begins.]

Yes, well, er. I'm sure that several people have noticed by now that there's, um...that there seems to be a unicorn on the loose in the City. And, er, that's exactly so, because it turns out that one got loose from the zoo the other day, and I'm sure that the poor thing is terribly frightened, and that's why it's been causing so much...er, trouble.

[Have another awkward pause.]

In any case, it seems that it's...well, as unicorns tend to do, it seems this one isn't exactly fond of anyone that's--

[ANOTHER PAUSE.]

That is, it hasn't been hurting the...um, maidens of the City, as it were.

[Look, her awkwardness right now is palpable, okay?]

So, um, it would be the wise and sensible thing to do, I think, for anyone that's married or not...er, chaste, to use as much caution as possible when going out and about places today.

[Here is a pause, in which Rosella fidgets a bit and then clears her throat again.]

And if there are any...virtuous maidens--or boy maidens, I suppose, though it might take better to girls, just the same--that would be willing to help in subduing the poor thing and getting him back to the zoo where he belongs, please do let me know, and I'd be so very grateful for the help.

[And with that public service announcement completed, Rosella shuts off her Network device with a relieved click.]


[OOC: Unicornanigans! Just in time for Christmas. ELITE SQUAD OF VIRGINS, this is your recruitment post! And in the spirit of the curse today, feel free to threadjack everywhere, discuss with everyone, try to make Rosella actually say the word "virgin" (if you CAN)...and just generally have fun!]

Comments

[team_sociopath]

...

[inmyothertights]

Well it's not like Teddy or I can do it.

[team_sociopath]

I still hate you.

[inmyothertights]

This is your Christmas gift to the City.

[team_sociopath]

Fine. Later I will deliver my Christmas gift to your face.

[inmyothertights]

Jewish, remember?

[team_sociopath]

So you're saying you want me to punch you eight times?

[inmyothertights]

Three weeks too late.

Also this will win you major points with princesses.

[team_sociopath]

Think of them as early for the next six years of your life.

You could have a little more delicacy, yanno.

[inmyothertights]

I'm not responsible for your boy maidenhead.

[team_sociopath]

I'm not kidding when I say I hate you.

[inmyothertights]

You're my twin. If you didn't hate me, something would be wrong with you.

[team_sociopath]

...okay, pretty much, but my point stands.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

Oh, please, will you help? I'd appreciate it so very much...

[team_sociopath]

If you promise never to say boy maidens ever again, okay.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

If that's what you'd like, then yes, of course. Oh, thank you so much!

[team_sociopath]

Also it's not like I--

I mean--

Damnit--

What do I have to do?

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

Well, we need to try to catch a unicorn, as I mentioned, so first we'll need to find a way to draw it out, and then we'll need to find a way to hold it or subdue it long enough to get back to the zoo.

[team_sociopath]

You could get someone to stand around being bait.

Billy could do it.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

I did think of that, yes--have someone, er...morally exempt try to defile one of the maidens to sort of draw the unicorn out. But it'd be terribly dangerous, I'm afraid.

[team_sociopath]

[Trying not to volunteer to defile one of the maidens is definitely in the Top Three Difficult Moments of Tommy's year, Rosella.]

Well, just lemme know what you need.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

[He can't defile one of the maidens. He's a boy maiden himself. They need one of those slatternly non-maidens to do it.]

I will, thank you. And I really do appreciate it.

[team_sociopath]

[Well but see, then you have two maidens defiling each other. Actually two maidens would-- but this is not a productive train of thought.]

It's not like I have a choice no big deal.