primrosella | Quest 240

[Voice Post]

[The audio snaps on with a click, but there is a somewhat awkward pause before any speaking occurs; then, after some hesitant shuffling, Rosella clears her throat and begins.]

Yes, well, er. I'm sure that several people have noticed by now that there's, um...that there seems to be a unicorn on the loose in the City. And, er, that's exactly so, because it turns out that one got loose from the zoo the other day, and I'm sure that the poor thing is terribly frightened, and that's why it's been causing so much...er, trouble.

[Have another awkward pause.]

In any case, it seems that it's...well, as unicorns tend to do, it seems this one isn't exactly fond of anyone that's--

[ANOTHER PAUSE.]

That is, it hasn't been hurting the...um, maidens of the City, as it were.

[Look, her awkwardness right now is palpable, okay?]

So, um, it would be the wise and sensible thing to do, I think, for anyone that's married or not...er, chaste, to use as much caution as possible when going out and about places today.

[Here is a pause, in which Rosella fidgets a bit and then clears her throat again.]

And if there are any...virtuous maidens--or boy maidens, I suppose, though it might take better to girls, just the same--that would be willing to help in subduing the poor thing and getting him back to the zoo where he belongs, please do let me know, and I'd be so very grateful for the help.

[And with that public service announcement completed, Rosella shuts off her Network device with a relieved click.]

[OOC: Unicornanigans! Just in time for Christmas. ELITE SQUAD OF VIRGINS, this is your recruitment post! And in the spirit of the curse today, feel free to threadjack everywhere, discuss with everyone, try to make Rosella actually say the word "virgin" (if you CAN)...and just generally have fun!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

... You can't say virgin?

I don't think it's the sort of thing that one needs to go around calling for on the Network!

You're basically calling for it already, Rosella.

Well, then, there's no reason to say it anyway, since I've already done it.

You know, I think in dire circumstances like this, it'd be okay to call for some virgins specifically.

I'm sure all this will be more than enough, really.

Er. I don't suppose you'd be willing to come help, Claire?

Uh. I actually don't think I can, or I really would. I know you guys have been trying to round this thing up.

[Oh, honestly, is she the only virgin around here?]

Oh. Yes, well, we've been...trying very hard at it, yes.

[Well. Hmm.]

Look, if you... can't get enough... virgins together and you need someone for bait, I could do that. I mean, I don't really know how to be unicorn bait, but if it's looking for someone to run over, I'm not really worried about getting trampled or anything. If worse comes to worst.

Edited 2010-12-24 01:01 (UTC)

Oh, but I'd feel just terrible if it tried to hurt you, too!

[But then follows a thoughtful pause, because desperate times call for desperate measures, and she really does want to catch this unicorn.]

Though I suppose that might be one way of luring him out, having you try to defile Edmund...

What?

Well, if he's been attacking people because he's trying to defend the...er, the maidens of the City...?

I'm not gonna try to defile Edmund. Even if it is all a lie.

And I suppose he'd never let me hear the end of it if we did, anyway. Oh, bother.

You better just stick with apples or something.

Someone did suggest that, yes--apples with, er, drugs in them, to make him more docile and less likely to attack when we try to catch him. It does seem like a fine idea, doesn't it?

Well I hadn't actually thought of drugging him, but that doesn't seem like a bad plan. I think you've mostly got to worry about luring him out of... wherever he is and getting him to stay long enough. Maybe you should try to herd him into a corner or something.

I was rather hoping to surround him with v--with maidens, actually, and then he wouldn't be able to get away because we'd have him penned in like that. But that'd take an awful lot of maidens, and I'm not sure how many there ar--how many we can get, rather.

Rosella, just say virgins.

I really don't think that's necessary, Claire.

Why can't you say it?

Well, it's hardly proper!

It's just a word! And it's not improper. Virgin, virgin, virgin. See, it's not hard.

I suppose I'm just old-fashioned, then.

[She is trying so hard not to laugh.]

I'm sorry. One day you're gonna say it, and it's gonna be liberating.

audio ][

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